I say the time is ripe for a third political party. With no visible political difference between the Republican and the Democrat Parties, it’s time to make the decision for the good of the country. There is a vast demographic out there just waiting to be tapped. And what better banner to gather these folks under, than the Apathy Party? You literally have to do nothing to become a member of this groundbreaking effort. There are no dues to be paid, no meetings to attend, no secret handshake to acknowledge, no solicitation calls to endure, nada. The only service provided is a toll free phone number to be called when you wake up one morning and are forced to ask yourself, “Where has America gone?”
Just dial 1-800-GIV-ACRP, and a detailed message will outline the steps taken since the ratification of the 17th Amendment and establishment of the FED to date, that have resulted in the incremental destruction of all those liberties and freedoms you felt entitled to all your life. For a slight fee, plus shipping and handling, you may order a DVD that will be handy for answering those embarrassing questions from your grandchildren, asking you what you did to resist this destruction.
Since there didn’t seem to be any candidates volunteering for the office, I will temporally accept the position of titular head of The Apathy Party. However, if nominated I will not run; If elected I will not serve, just like your current representatives. I have never played a round of golf, but when elected, I’m sure some monied supporter will suckup enough to get some hi-powered figure to give me some lessons. I want you supporters to be able to hold your heads high and say, “Did you see his tan lines?”
Right up front, we’re going to have to get some much-needed revisions to our election process. As Trump has requested, we’ll need to go through the registered voter roles. For our party, we require that all those apathetic voters who fail to vote in upcoming elections, will automatically have their non-cast votes counted for the Apathy Party Candidate, me. In addition, any votes found to be cast by dead voters will automatically be counted for the Apathy Party Candidate, me. You can’t get anymore apathetic than that. Any votes being cast twice for the same candidate will automatically be divided between the original candidate and the Apathy Party Candidate, me. We can’t possibly lose with this groundswell of support.
Bless your hearts and have a nice day.
Now, more than ever before, the people are responsible for the character of Congress….If the next Centennial does not find us a great nation…it will be because those who represent the enterprise, the culture, and the morality of the nation do not aid in controlling the political forces.
-President James Garfield circa summer 1881