Kamikaze Duck Attack
Yesterday, I was viciously attacked by a duck (a rarely used phrase in the modern English lexicon, I know). The attack was unwarranted, unexpected, and unprovoked. The duck left the scene immediately afterwards; I sat down in the snow and shouted, “What the…!”
It may have been partially my fault. I’ve been feeding them, and due to “chain migration,” their number have swelled; from around 30-40…to approximately a Ka-zillion at the present.
This has caused a new wave of competition between the “old” Ducks….and the “new” Ducks. “Time is Money, but Corn waits for no Duck.” With that in mind, some of the old ducks have taken the position of being “first in line.”
They do this by watching where the old, fat, bald guy goes, then stand around the door they last saw him go into.
Yesterday, I came out of the shop, took a single step out of the doorway, and was hit in the side of the face by a very panicked Duck in full flight.
It was a Sucker Punch. I didn’t even know there was a fight.
It doesn’t sound like much of a problem…BUT! Let me tell ya… You get hit in the temple by a flying mallard, it’ll definitely leave a mark, or in mathematical terms: 1(one) 3lb. mallard, traveling at the speed of light equals a serious — whoopin’!
The duck seemed relatively unharmed from the encounter. I was shaken up some and there are lingering effects; but I’m used to seeing double and the loss of equilibrium is hardly noticeable.
Ghillie (the dog) was the real loser in this scenario. It happened “On His Watch!” He has taken it personally, and is running every duck on the property…off the property, or at least into the water, which is very cold, and Ghillie don’t do Cold, so…Close Enough for Government Work.
My sister is feeding and housing: Peregrine Falcons, Canadian Lynx, and African Hunting Dogs on her property, without incident.
I’ve got Killer Kamikaze Ducks. And they are apparently, very committed.