In honoring the Passover and the Life, Death and Resurrection of Jesus I am going to be super transparent. Why Jesus?
By Guest Contributor, Amanda Allen
When I say, God picked me up from the bottom of the barrel of death and destruction, I mean it. I was without vision past the party on the weekend. I was desperate for love and willing to be included in anything and anyone, if I only received attention, good or bad.
I had no hope for a future, let alone a family…and least yet, to be a mother.
Life was unkind and my choices destructive. At 15 I begged God to take my life and spare a child somewhere deserving of health and family. God didn’t listen.
I proceeded down my path taking risks you wouldn’t believe. It’s ironic that as one having no brave bone in her body was about to embark on the journey of her life.
I became a single parent of twins. If anything will wake you up out of a deep sleep, twins will do it. I couldn’t take care of myself, and now I have two more to care for, and no means, no money.
God is wise. If someone can’t love herself enough to change, give her two beautiful babies. Then add one more, five years later. He, of course knew my heart. He knew I would fall passionately in love with my children and begin making small steps of change…for them which would, eventually, create small steps of change for myself. Fast forward….
At 26 with twin boys, I was eight months pregnant with my third son, when I made the first step with Jesus to receive Him as my Savior and get baptized.
Before receiving my salvation, I was often sick and had numerous surgeries. I stopped breathing at home after my second knee surgery, and as the ambulance was on its way to get me, my parents and brother all said goodbye, not knowing what was happening or what to expect.
I lost my eye sight twice; and the second time I went blind, it came with convulsions and again, I was at the hospital. Numerous tests, and as usual, I was perfectly healthy, as suggested by all test results.
While giving birth, I got to see my first son, but eight minutes later as I delivered my second son, I was hemorrhaging and unable to see the face of my child. I laid there with my mother by my side, holding my hand thinking, “please God don’t let me die.” Mom was trying to be strong, but she avoided eye contact with me and her face mask was catching all her tears, showing me the fear she was hiding. I thought, “Please God, don’t let me die.”
My last ambulance ride was for my heart. I was in SVT, supra ventricular tachycardia at 281 beats per minute. My children got a police escort to the hospital, following me in the ambulance. They thought that was pretty cool. I, on the other hand, wasn’t having as grand a time. They had to stop my heart three times. I will spare you what went on in my mind, but I will say this: while they were stopping my heart and restarting it, all I could hear were my children playing in the hallway outside my room. Please God….”Don’t let me die.”
All pretty ironic for a girl at 15, who begged God to take her life. He said, “No,” and meant it.
I hustled life with my boys. We made a lot out of life, but I still had my lack of self confidence and my inability to communicate was at an all time high…so much so, that my nervous system was shot.
I began having small strokes, lost the ability to speak, and would say awkward sentences, once the small stroke (TIA) began to manifest. I couldn’t walk, but I tried. The floor appeared uneven for my steps and if I wanted to say, “Pass the salt,” my brain would say, “Pass the elephant,” and it was at this point we had an escape plan, so I could recover and get electrolytes back into my system quickly.
So at this point I was told that I would have a bionic knee and a pacemaker, and on innumerable medications.
Then, Jesus took hold of me. The day I got baptized terrified me, but it was what my heart wanted to do.
I applied the teaching of Jesus to my life. I learned the power in the blood of Jesus. I learned about the sacrifice and honor of praise and worship. I studied, I cried, I made mistakes, and I still had failures…but God…God showed up every single time and failure wasn’t really failure. In my weakest moments, He was my strength. He has consistently taught me, raised me, forgiven me, and strengthened this weak, feeble girl.
I don’t have a bionic knee.
I don’t have a pacemaker.
I don’t have any prescriptions.
Every sickness bows to the name of Jesus.
Every weapon thrown at me dissolves into thin air.
I stand on the promises of God for everything.
And Jesus promised ME life more abundantly than I could ever imagine or dream of.
All three of my children are alive because of the blood of Jesus. (Entirely another story, but my favorite). My youngest son was miraculously healed from diabetes as an infant because I learned the Word of God and the authority I have as a parent and as a child of The King.
If you think church is lame, you are in the wrong church. If you think the Bible is stupid, you are blinded. Jesus only can remove the scales off your eyes and heart.
If you are so wealthy you don’t need Jesus, you aren’t wealthy at all. There is a day your wealth won’t heal you, but Jesus will still.
It’s okay if I don’t pursue life as society dictates I should. There is a better way. I am part of a Kingdom that will never fail. The laws of that Kingdom trump the laws of this world. It has been my one desire to walk in the FINISHED WORK OF CHRIST. I have Resurrection life in me. I no longer need to see it to believe it, but as the Kingdom requires: I believe it first, then I see it. It’s all about faith in God’s Word. The Word is God. Jesus is the Word. It’s all the same.
Maybe when you see me, you see my flaws. That’s okay. My scars are well worn. Seeing me and knowing me are two separate things. To know me, even if for 20 minutes, you meet the King of Glory, for I don’t exist outside of Jesus.
I will fight for the down trodden, the unloved, the hopeless. All I suffered was so that I can point you to Jesus.
I use to hate my valleys. They seemed too long, too dark, too painful…and I screamed at God for them. I asked Him, “Why would anyone want Jesus, if all they see is my struggle?”
And then, one day I sat with a woman from Thailand and told her the stories I have, of the power in the blood of Jesus. She held on to every word. She couldn’t get enough of my stories of miracles and God’s favor over my life. She said to me, “I’ve heard of the Jesus…this ‘magic’ God of the Christians, but I’ve never KNOWN someone with these stories so personally.” And with her last word, tears were rolling down her face and she hugged me and thanked me.
I then knew why God allowed me to walk through the dark valleys of life… to be a testimony to Jesus… to be a testimony of His truth in His Word.
Do I get made fun of? Yes.
Do I get lonely? Sometimes.
Did I lose friends? Yes…the right ones.
It was worth every sacrifice.
He is beautiful. His goodness will change your life. He is often blamed for things He didn’t do. He has given authority to man, to His people. So when you are quick to blame Him, remember He chose YOU to make a difference. He chooses YOU everyday.
He chose Me…my whole life He was courting me, so to speak. I finally fell in love with the King of Kings. It started with a scared, traumatized girl…whom Jesus is still loving on, every single day of her life.
Jesus isn’t explained…only experienced. Say His name. He is waiting for YOU.
Amanda Allen is a Realtor by profession and is living life renewed in Messiah, Jesus, the Living Word of God. Her sons are now grown, and she has three grandchildren, with a fourth due in May.